


Wishful Thinking

by ToweringDragon



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: A whole lot of angst, Episode Fix-It: s04e08 Silence in the Library, F/F, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Some swearing btw, Space Wives, basically neither of them recognize the other, but a gay one, but no sexy times, its a shit show, pretty much every trope, some mutual pining, we got some bed sharing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 03:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18066185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToweringDragon/pseuds/ToweringDragon
Summary: After the events of "The Name of the Doctor", River escapes from the library, but has a whole new body. The Doctor, on her thirteenth regeneration, is on the run from a bunch of homicidal aliens who stole her TARDIS and destroyed her screwdriver. River and the Doctor team up to find the TARDIS, neither of them knowing who the other is. It's more or less "The Husbands of River Song" except the Doctor doesn't recognize River either.





	1. He Doesn't Like Endings

“Say it like you're going to come back.”

River could see the Doctor's hearts breaking, but he swallowed and put on a sad smile.

“Well then,” he said, in a voice that would have been nonchalant if it weren't for his sad eyes. “See you around, Professor River Song.”

“Till the next time, Doctor.” Her voice was equally convincing.

“Don’t wait up.”

“Oh, there’s one more thing.”

“Isn’t there always?”

“I was mentally linked with Clara. If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?”

The Doctor's eyes lit up with a hopeful gleam that River hadn't seen in years. “Ok, how?”

River smiled. “Spoilers.” She wasn't particularly fond of Clara, but she could see how much she meant to the Doctor, and if Clara could make him happy, then River would do her very best to save her. “Goodbye, sweetie.”

River let herself slip slowly into the darkness of the void.

 

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie

River’s last words echoed in the darkness. A melody that rang with sadness. The last time she'd ever say them. So why wasn't she gone?

River opened her eyes. She wasn't in the dead TARDIS anymore. No Doctor, no Vastra, no Jenny, no Strax. But where the hell was she?

The perfect life generated by the Library was long gone. It wasn't that River minded being a mom, but it wasn't where she wanted to spend eternity. Over time, the paradise evolved into an endless forest, and no matter how much River searched, she could never find the edge. But this time, when River opened her eyes, not even the forest was there. Instead, she was surrounded by a black void-deep, dark, and impossible to see through.

_Is this the afterlife?_ River wondered. It wouldn't be that surprising. But something about this place just seemed off to her. Reaching her hand out, she immediately realized why. Her hand was shimmering with a golden, unearthly glow that was shockingly familiar.

“Oh, that brilliant idiot,” she muttered out loud, before her entire field of vision was taken over by golden light.

 

River awoke in a brightly lit room with a slightly eerie vibe. Looking around, she saw a bundle of wires lying on the same chair where she sacrificed her life for the Doctor's, not one day after he first met her.

As she stood up, she suddenly remembered her latest regeneration. A new body always took some getting used to, and she could tell her legs were much longer than last time. She wished there was a mirror for her to see her body. Her skin tone was a few shades darker than it was before, and she could tell her hair was much shorter and less curly. She grabbed a strand of her hair and was met with a shock. The few centimeters she could see was a bright, vibrant orange. The same shade as Mother's, River thought. She wasn't sure how the Doctor had managed to give her another regeneration. No doubt through sacrificing some of his own regeneration energy.

A mechanical grinding noise brought her back to reality. It wasn't immediately apparent what the noise came from, but River knew she needed to get away from the Library as soon as possible. There were teleporters in the main entrance hall, she knew that much. If she could teleport to another planet, she could have time to think of what her next plan could be.

River began making her way to the teleports, taking care not to step in the shadows. She wasn't sure if the Doctor had managed to get rid of the vashta nerada permanently, but she didn't much fancy the idea of being eaten alive by shadows five minutes after finding out she had another regeneration. Her first plan of action after getting off this planet, she decided, was to find some record of the Doctor. Hopefully the planet she teleported to would have some sort of technology. At least a database of some kind, like records or…

_A library!_ River stopped in her tracks. _I'm an idiot! I'm in the biggest library in the universe!_ She ran up to one human-faced statues that lined the hallways.  
“Excuse me,” she said. “Can you-oh!”

River was met with yet another surprise as the statue turned around and she was looking into the eyes of a very familiar face. It was the Doctor's red-headed companion--not Amy, but…

_Donna!_ River remembered. For a few seconds, she worried that Donna was still stuck in the Library's massive storage system, and that her sacrifice had saved no one. Then she recalled another memory-the Doctor, a different one, her Doctor, with his stupid bowtie, telling her about Donna and how he erased all her memories of him.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. The robot-Donna smiled at her mechanically.

“I do not understand your question,” it said.

“Sorry, er, can you search for records of the Doctor?”

Robot-Donna paused, then responded, “Seven billion, three hundred and thirteen million, nine hundred and thirty seven thousand, two hundred and ninety one entries. Would you like to narrow your search?”

“Yes, search within planets in teleportation range in this year.”

“Five entries found in this current year.”

River smiled. “Perfect.”

\--------------------------

This was not how the Doctor had planned for her evening to go. Mysterious strangers in all black, a missing TARDIS, and a whole lot of running. Though, despite her best intentions, most evenings did end up exactly like this.

“You are required by law to stop!” shouted an alien behind her.

“Sod off!” she shouted back.

Luckily, this was far from the first time the Doctor had been in this situation. The mysterious aliens were some sort of police force who were very set on destroying every time lord in this universe. Usually, she would just pop in her TARDIS and find a way to communicate with the aliens in a way that involved significantly less running. Unluckily, these aliens were well-versed on time lord culture, and had teleported the TARDIS away to who knows where. The Doctor was now stuck on some planet with no plan, no backup, and no transportation. Time to do what she did best.

Turning around, the Doctor faced the aliens. “Listen,” she said. “I’m sure if we all-”

“You are a time lord! Under the laws of the Srafix, you are under arrest!”

“Well, at least I know who I’m fighting,” she muttered to herself.

“Prepare to die!” the alien--Srafix--shouted, and they all pull out rather large guns from who knows where.

“On second thought,” said the Doctor, turning around. “I have some--er--unfinished business, so I’m just going to-”

The Srafix lower their guns to aim at her, and she narrowly dodges a ray of laser fire.

“Maybe we can catch up sometime! Have some tea or something,” she yells back, already running away.

Think Doctor, think! she tells herself as the Srafix’s lasers fire around her. She left the fam back at Yaz’ flat, and had popped out to get some sugar from the grocery nearby. Though she was very grateful the TARDIS had waited till she was alone to take her to this deadly planet, she still wasn’t sure why she was here. Usually, the TARDIS only took her to places where someone needed help, but the Srafix seemed perfectly friendly to every race other than time lords, which meant the only other life form in this galaxy who faced any danger here was Missy, and somehow the Doctor doubted Missy needed her help. Or was even here, given that none of the Srafix had said anything about a homicidal time lady in victorian dress.

_Maybe if I scan some one of the computer systems,_ the Doctor began to think, but she had barely pulled out her sonic screwdriver before it was shot by one of the Srafix. Her horror was cut short by the sound of more lasers firing behind her. As she ran around a corner, she caught a glimpse of a sign pointing down a hallway labeled “Transportation”.

_Perfect,_ she thought. With any luck, the Srafix would have teleporters that she could hijack. Without her sonic screwdriver, she wouldn’t be able to go far, but if she could at least get to a nearby planet, she’d have some time to think of a plan. It wasn’t a great idea, but it was the only one she had.

“Let’s get a shift on!” she yelled out loud, before remembering that the fam was back on Earth, and all she had for company were the rather unfriendly Srafix behind her. As glad as she was that her companions were out of harm’s way, she did find herself wishing for someone else to share her adventures. Someone who could hold their own, like Jack or--

_Don’t get distracted,_ she reminded herself. _You don’t have time._ She slid into the teleportation room, slammed the door shut, and looked around. With any luck, the Srafix wouldn’t get in for at least ten seconds. She hurriedly began searching the computers for nearby planets.

“One entry found,” it told her.

“Brilliant!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm updating once a week on Wednesdays!


	2. It's A Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> River and the Doctor end up on the same planet, and find out that they are both wanted. In order to protect themselves, the both separately decide to go by a secret identity. TLDR theyre fucking idiots

River blinked at her newfound surroundings. The Library’s teleporters were a bit janky, no doubt from the centuries of unuse. But they worked, and that was all that mattered.

A huge sign stood to River’s right. In bright orange and green, it announced “Welcome to Tarlavia!” The area surrounding it was a grassland of sorts, but the grass had a purplish tint to it that was unlike any grass found on Earth. Or most planets, for that matter. In the distance, River could see what she hoped was a small town, nestled between rolling hills. Squinting, she managed to make out a forest behind the town.

Tarlavia wasn’t River’s first choice in planets. She would have preferred one that she was more familiar with. However, the other four planets that the library found all had some problem that prevented River from choosing them. Two she had already gone to with the Doctor, and risked crossing her own timestream. With a new body, there was less of a risk then normal, but it was still something she wanted to avoid. The other two had rather inhospitable environments, and while River didn’t object to some adventure, she’d rather have some more equipment at her disposal first. In addition, Tarlavia had multiple records of a mysterious blue box popping up at random points, which seemed like an excellent way to find the Doctor.

River set out to the village, still getting used to the feeling of having new legs. She hadn’t regenerated in about two centuries, and wasn’t entirely stable with the idea. Nevertheless, she reached the village after only a few minutes of walking.

The village, it turned out, was more of a small city, filled with medieval-looking buildings extending underground underneath the surrounding hills. Like Hobbit homes, River thought with amusement. She may not have grown up with Earth tales like her mum and dad, but she had had plenty of time in prison to read them. Speaking of prison…

On a wooden wall nearby was a surprisingly neat arrangement of wanted posters. Prominently featured were those of the Doctor and the Master, with a long column of pictures of all their regenerations. River noticed, with some amusement, that whoever inhabited this city had made the same mistake she had back on Darillium, as the Doctor only had twelve pictures, ending with a familiar, bow-tie clad chap with a large chin. Her attention, however, was drawn away by a smaller wanted poster labelled “River Song”. Much like the Doctor’s poster, the column of pictures only featured her first three regenerations. Unfortunately, as River quickly realized, this meant she’d have to be very careful about throwing her name around. She didn’t doubt her ability to hold her own in a fight, but she didn’t have anything in the way of weapons, and she didn’t fancy the idea of the Doctor finding her standing over the bodies of half the citizens in the city.

River began to ponder her next moves. The Doctor usually wasn’t too good at being inconspicuous, but the wanted poster did offer quite a prize for their head, so River reasoned that they might take some extra steps to disguise themselves. However, the TARDIS was significantly harder to disguise, and a blue phone box stands out quite a lot in a medieval town.

_If only there were more people around,_ River thought dejectedly. It was a strangely empty-looking town for broad daylight, but there were plenty of nocturnal aliens. There was bound to be some sort of pub around though, and as River watched, some black-clad figures emerged from a nearby building and scurried into the shadows of the underground city. River smiled and headed towards the building.

As she got closer, River began to hear the typical noises she would associate with a city of this size: plenty of chattering, foreign-sounding music, and the clinking of glasses being passed around. With any luck, River’s new face would prevent her from being recognized, and as long as she was smart, she could get information on the TARDIS without any suspicion.

River opened the door and was immediately blasted with a wall of noise. She realized that, despite its appearances, the door was definitely not made of wood, but rather some sort of soundproof metal. Helpful information, she noted, as she was searching for someone who managed to have a big weakness with wooden doors.

The aliens in the pub ignored River’s entrance, much to her relief. Also helpful, she realized, was the fact that there were quite a few different alien races scattered about. Blending in with aliens who were all clad in black may have been significantly harder.

River headed toward the bar, hoping someone sitting there would have some sort of information. It was doubtful, but better than nothing.

“What’ll it be, sunshine?” asked the bartender.

“Nothing for now, thanks,” said River sweetly. She knew it was rather suspicious to sit at a bar and not order anything, but she wanted her mind clear. Besides, she wasn’t sure what currency this city used and highly doubted she had any sort of money. She nodded at the alien next to her, a tall being with a strange mix of fur and scales.

“Name’s Melody,” River said.

“Lastra,” replied the alien.

“Pleasure to meet you.” River wasn’t sure if whoever posted the wanted posters knew her given name, but she was willing to bet it wasn’t common knowledge. And if the Doctor heard about someone named Melody looking for a blue box, they’d know who she was immediately.

“Tell me Lastra,” River continued. “Have you seen anything weird lately? Like some avant garde art display or something?”

\--------------------------

The Doctor got to her feet, immediately regretting not spending more time calculating the coordinates for her destination. Yes, she had been in a rush with the Srafix, but falling four feet onto the ground was really painful.

She observed the city surrounding her and instantly realized two things. One, the city, despite its medieval appearance, was quite technologically advanced, and was merely disguising many of the more technological aspects. Probably for the aesthetic, she thought with amusement. The second thing she noticed was that her face, or rather, previous iterations of her face, was plastered all over a wall nearby with quite a hefty price placed next to it. Looking closer, she realized that her current face was nowhere to be found.

The Srafix planet she was on recognized her immediately, no doubt because she had appeared out of thin air in a very distinctive time machine. Luckily, she now had no idea where her TARDIS was, and no equally conspicuous sonic screwdriver. Ok, perhaps not luckily, she conceded. She was about to leave when another poster caught her eye. She had glossed over the Master’s wanted poster at first, given that they were wanted in most star systems the Doctor had visited. But next to the Master’s face was familiar, curly-haired woman.

_River!_ The Doctor nearly shouted out in joy. If River was wanted here, maybe she was here recently, and she could contact-

_No,_ she reprimanded herself. _You’re only going to make it worse for yourself. River’s long gone. Forget about her._

Sighing, the Doctor turned away and observed the town again. To her horror, she saw several Srafix walking nearby. She backpedalled rapidly and reached for her sonic screwdriver before remembering its unfortunate demise. Luckily, the Srafix seemed to have no idea who she was, as they barely acknowledged her presence. She set off down the street, hoping to put as much distance between herself and the Srafix as possible.

_Think, Doctor. What next?_ Obviously she had to find the TARDIS, but she wasn’t entirely sure how. She spotted a distinctly non-Srafix figure emerge from a nearby building, and decided asking around a bit would be her best bet. _Don’t raise suspicion,_ she reminded herself. _If anyone finds out you’re a time lord…_

She headed through the door and was blasted immediately with some very loud music. Kalarian, the Doctor recognized. Obviously, this planet was populated with a wide variety of aliens, but from the warning posters outside, she could surmise that the Srafix definitely held some significant power here. Then something caught her eye that completely distracted her from everything else. Someone--a humanoid someone--was sitting at the bar, and their hair was exactly the same shade as a certain Amelia Pond.

_Don’t be stupid._ The Doctor told herself. _Amy can’t be here. She’s with Rory, on Earth. She never came to this planet, and never will. But that hair was so familiar…_

The Doctor took several halting steps towards the bar. She knew it was a horrible idea, that she should talk to someone less obvious, that she should analyze the room and not make any brash decisions, but she was already at the bar, and-

“Hello!” the Doctor said, before she could help herself. Not-Amy turned around, and the Doctor knew immediately that it wasn’t Amy. The face was different, the skin was several shades too dark, but there was something shockingly familiar in those eyes.

“Hello,” said not-Amy, and the Doctor realized her voice was weirdly familiar too. Not Amy’s distinctive Scottish accent, but definitely British.

“Hello!” the Doctor said again. “Er, sorry, I already said that, didn’t I? Sorry. I’m Smith. Jo-er-Joan Smith.”

Not-Amy smiled, and, for the third time, the Doctor was surprised by just how familiar it seemed. “I’m Melody,” she said.

_Oh, this is just a cruel trick,_ thought the Doctor. _Melody? I already saw River’s poster outside. Now the universe is just determined to torture me. Or maybe it’s a trap…No, they’d make it more obvious._

But before she could form a clear thought, Melody continued, “You don’t seem like you’re from around here.”

“What makes you say that?” said the Doctor quickly. _Too quickly,_ she reprimanded herself. _Don’t act suspicious._

“You’re looking around too much for a native,” Melody informed her. “You haven’t acknowledged anyone else here, and no one has acknowledged you. If you were a regular, there’d at least be a few nods of recognition.”

_She’s smart,_ realized the Doctor. _Too smart for me to lie entirely._

“I’m from off-planet,” she said truthfully. “I’m just looking for something, then I’ll be on my way,”

Melody’s eyes glinted. _Suspicion?_ wondered the Doctor. _No, that wasn’t it._

“Well, funnily enough, I’m also from off-planet, and also looking for something,” Melody said. “Perhaps we could help each other.”

_Don’t!_ the Doctor told herself. _An alliance is too risky. You saw how much money was offered for your head. But-_

“Alright,” agreed the Doctor. “But one condition. No asking about my personal life.”

“Likewise,” replied Melody. “I’ve got a lot of secrets, and I’m not telling you any of them.”

“Then it’s a deal?”

“It’s a deal.”


	3. Probably Not A Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bed sharing time! Nothing too steamy, just a bit of pining. Everyone's really gay of course.

_There’s no way she could possibly be the Doctor,_ River told herself for the twentieth time that day. _There are plenty of women who have the name Joan Smith. And various other genders and aliens. But the way “Joan” carried herself, and spoke, and looked at River, everything just felt so familiar._

After they had made their deal, the two women had discussed their next plan of action. Neither of them had been able to get much information out of any of the aliens at the bar, but Joan had managed to coerce the bartender into letting them stay in one of the rooms upstairs. Luckily for them, they didn’t seem to be the first tourists to come to these parts, as the bartender handed them a cheery pamphlet titled “Welcome to Tarliavia!” after Joan asked about a place to sleep. River was well aware that it was likely to be a trap, but she was confident in her ability to fight her way out of a confrontation, and really needed somewhere more private to form a plan.

“So, what do you think?” Joan asked, flopping--well, more like jumping--onto the bed.

“About what?” River sat down next to her.

“About the planet. And whatever it is you’re looking for.”

“It’s strange, to say the least,” admitted River. “I’ve traveled around the universe a fair amount, and this planet--I don’t know. It seems familiar, but there’s just enough off that I don’t quite trust it.”

“Like someone’s doing a bad impression of Earth.”

“Exactly.” Joan was incredibly quick, River gave her that. _Almost as smart as…_

_Stop it! She’s not the Doctor. You can’t get your hopes up like that._

“So!” said Joan, bouncing back off the bed like an excited ten-year-old. “If it’s like Earth, why aren’t there more humans? You’re the only human I’ve seen--at least, I assume you’re human. Sorry if you’re not. But a place like this should be teeming with them. It would be like a paradise.”

“Maybe whoever the native alien species are here didn’t want any humans on their home planet. Humans do tend to destroy things.”

Joan didn’t reply, just looked out the window, deep in thought. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and River noticed her earring for the first time. Well, more of an ear cuff. A silver chain looped around her ear, attached at the top by a cluster of stars and at the bottom by a design River couldn’t quite make out. It was beautiful, River realized. Just like her.

“What if,” said Joan suddenly, whipping around and throwing River out of her train of thought. “What if, it’s some sort of trap? What if they’re trying to attract humans to this planet, and then, I don’t know, do something with them? Like enslave them or something?”

“Or use them as bait,” River said, thinking of the Doctor. Entrapping a whole bunch of humans would certainly get their attention. Joan gave her a weird look, and River realized that suggesting that humans were bait probably seemed a bit sadistic to someone without her experience. _At least I know for sure that she’s not the Doctor now. The Doctor’s used to situations like that._

“If they were planning to trap them,” schemed Joan, “They’d probably have plans somewhere. Or a meeting room or something.” She reached passed River to grab the complementary brochure that the bartender had given to them earlier.

“They’re hardly going to advertise their secrets on an easy-to-find pamphlet,” River pointed out.

“No, but…” Joan trailed off, running a slender finger along the map on the back. “Aha!”

River leaned over to look at where she was pointing, and a thrill of terror ran down her spine. Joan’s finger was hovering right below a squarish building labelled, in big black letters “LIBRARY”

River took a deep breath and tried to steady her heartbeat. “Yes, that would certainly be a good place to start looking.”

Joan snatched the map up, looking triumphant. _Calm down River, she told herself, burying her head in her hands. There’s no need for you to freak out whenever you hear the word library. It’s hardly an uncommon word._

Looking back up, River noticed with relief that Joan didn’t seem to notice her moment of terror. “We should probably spend the night here before heading out.”

“If there even is a night,” Joan commented, pointing at the window. “The sun seems to be skirting around the horizon. We must be near a pole, and the planet’s axis is probably tilted.”

“Just like Earth,” said River grimly.

“You’re right though, we should get some sleep.” Joan took off her coat and threw it on the end of the bed, and River saw what she was wearing underneath for the first time. River wasn’t quite sure how she managed to miss the bright yellow suspenders earlier, but without her coat on, they were very obvious, and River couldn’t help but be reminded of another incredibly attractive individual who pranced around in suspenders. The Doctor never showed off his arms like that, though, River noticed, as Joan was also wearing a tight white undershirt that clung to her arms. On any other person, it would probably be the ugliest outfit ever, but on Joan, it was almost…

_Sexy._ River grinned, leaning back on the bed. “I hope you don’t mind sharing the bed,” she said, flashing a flirtatious smile towards Joan.

“Nope!” said Joan, half jumping, half rolling onto the bed next to River. River gritted her teeth, trying not to sigh out loud at the woman’s obliviousness. _Oh well. When I find the_ _Doctor, I can flirt with them. And maybe a bit more._ Grinning at the thought, River rolled over and tried to get some sleep.

\--------------------------

The Doctor laid awake, staring up at the bland ceiling. Melody had fallen asleep hours ago, but being a time lord and all, the Doctor had stayed awake. More time to think up a plan, she thought. But she was finding it slightly hard to focus, pressed up against the beautiful woman next to her.

_There’s nothing wrong with finding someone attractive,_ she reasoned with herself. Melody was incredibly smart, no doubt about that. And the Doctor had always had a thing for geniuses. She also seemed like a good person, mysteriousness aside. No, it was just her uncanny familiarity that was bugging the Doctor.

Melody’s comment about attracting humans to use as bait for something was also on her mind. She had no doubt that if that was indeed the aliens’ plan, then the “something” they were trying to catch were her. To organize a trap that size, they would have to be awfully dedicated. The only other person with a wanted poster as big as hers was the Master, and the Doctor doubted that they would travel across the universe to save some humans. No, that was her job. And if this was a trap for her, then she would have to be very careful about who she trusted. She snuck a glance at Melody sleeping peacefully next to her. If Melody was really part of a trap, why would she suggest that this whole thing might be a trap? But trusting her blindly would be dumb, the Doctor knew that much. Awkward and secretive relationship it is.

Sighing, the Doctor rolled over. _Might as well try and get some sleep,_ she reasoned.

 

 

The Doctor awoke to Melody shifting slightly behind her. As she blinked open her eyes, she realized that Melody had rolled over and wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s waist. The Doctor smiled, then realized that it felt weirdly familiar.

_Stop making things up,_ she scolded herself. You’ve spooned many people before. That doesn’t mean that they’re all someone from your past. She sighed and wiggled gently out from Melody’s arms.

“Sorry,” she whispered, before moving to the window and looking outside. It looked like her hypothesis about the tilted axis was right, as the sun was still skirting the horizon. It was perfectly framed between two tall orange-tinted mountains, and the Doctor couldn’t help but be reminded of the twenty-four years she spent on Darillium with River.

A light shifting noise behind her alerted her to the fact that Melody was woken up. She turned around and was once again struck by the strange woman’s beauty. Her bright orange hair framed her face perfectly, not unlike the sun outside.

Melody stretched and her eyes met the Doctor’s. The Doctor blushed and looked away quickly, embarrassed to be caught staring. Melody just smiled.

“So,” Melody said, standing up and joining the Doctor at the window. “Off to the library?”

The Doctor smiled back. “Yeah.” She tried not to think of the last time that she went to a library with River. Not that Melody was River, of course. That’d be ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow they're so fucking oblivious I know this is my own doing I'm sorry lmao


	4. A Stronghold of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and River are off to the nearest library, just as oblivious as ever. Neither of them know how much they can trust the other, but both of them feel a growing attraction to each other. Can they find what they are looking for?

THE LIBRARY

The sign above the building was large and impossible to miss. River shivered as she read the words, hoping Joan didn't notice. She doubted Joan would figure out her identity by some weird niche fear, but River was feeling a strange desire to impress the other woman. Luckily, Joan seemed to be just as oblivious as normal, entering the library with a bounce in her step. River shook her head, dispelling her worries, and followed Joan inside.

"So," said River, determined to not let her unease show. "Got any ideas on where to start?"

Joan shrugged. "To tell the truth, I usually just pick up random books until I find what I'm looking for. It takes a while, though."

"I'd imagine so." Picking up the nearest book, River began to ponder the best way to find information. "Maybe we should start with the history books? Archaeology and such?"

A strange look fell over Joan's face. "Yeah," she agreed. "Archaeology sounds great."

River pretended that she didn't notice Joan's sudden shift in emotion, because if she did, she was sure it would only encourage her to think of the Doctor, and she didn't need help in that department. Instead, she busied herself by searching nearby bookcases for anything that looked remotely useful. 

"I'm gonna look over there," Joan told River. She walked briskly away, and River noticed, with relief, that she seemed to have overcome whatever shadow of emotion overcame her seconds earlier. River nodded in agreement, far too late to be a proper response. Sighing, she turned back to the books.

Two fruitless hours later, River was about ready to concede defeat when Joan ran over with one of the oldest books River had ever seen. Which was quite a feat, considering she was an archaeologist. 

"Look at this," Joan said excitedly, flipping halfway through the book to reveal a tightly spaced page of poetry titled 'Beware Her'.

"Ominous," quipped River.

"I think it's the basis of whatever religion is prevalent here."

"So you're basing your search around religion?" River asked with distaste.

Joan shrugged. "It can give good insight into a culture. But look at this!" She pointed to a passage towards the bottom of the page, forcing River to crane her neck to read it.

'She came before we were alive,  
And ruled until we died.  
Feared was she who held the crown,  
Our lord, our queen

Our Master.'

_The Master!_ River felt her heart drop.  _No wonder these aliens are so hostile towards time lords._  

"If the Master took over their society and inspired their religion, it would explain a lot of things," commented Joan, echoing River's own thoughts. River wondered briefly how she knew the Master, before reasoning that the Master has taken over a lot of planets and, if you traveled the universe a lot, you were bound to run into them at some point.

"So, how does this help our search?" countered River.

"Well, it doesn't, but it's a good starting place. Although," Joan paused and looked River in the eyes for the first time since that morning. "I still don't know what you're looking for."

River's mind raced wildly. A million answers came to mind, each one less believable than the last. She could lie, of course, but Joan was smart enough to catch on, and it could also complicate things if she found the TARDIS before Joan left her. Joan was definitely just as alien to the local culture as River was, and she didn't seem out to catch time lords or weird time lord hybrids. The price on River's head was still quite high, of course, and revealing her true identity would be incredibly dangerous, but perhaps River could trust Joan enough...

"I'm looking for the Doctor," admitted River.

 

\--------------------------

 

The Doctor's hearts raced wildly as Melody's words echoed in her ears.  _Is she a bounty hunter? An assassin?_ An endless list of possibilities ran through her head. Luckily, Melody seemed to have no idea who the Doctor really looked like, or this adventure would've been over before it started. But this did mean that she'd have to be incredibly careful with her identity. On the other hand, if Melody was really looking for the Doctor, she could be a great help in finding the TARDIS.

"So am I," the Doctor said, before she could fully make up her mind. 

Melody smiled, and the Doctor found herself unconsciously relaxing. "Perfect."

"Yeah," replied the Doctor, berating herself for, once again, speaking without thinking. "I'm looking for their TARDIS. Figured that was the best way to find them, ya know?"

Nodding in agreement, Melody looked again at the book the Doctor had found. "I ran a search at the-- at a nearby planet. The TARDIS should be on this planet somewhere. The question is, where?"

The Doctor looked back at the piles of books she had gone through. "I don't think we're gonna find much else in history books," she reasoned. "If we can find a map, though--a proper one, not the tourist-y one we saw earlier--we could figure out where good hiding spots for it would be."

"Good thinking!" Melody grabbed a book off the shelf behind her. "I saw a map in here earlier. You look for books about prisons or strongholds. The Doctor might obliviously land in the middle of nowhere, but the locals would probably recognize the TARDIS immediately and lock it up."

The Doctor bit her lip, forcing herself to not snap back. If she insisted that she wasn't oblivious, Melody would no doubt figure out her true identity immediately. So she settled for doing exactly what Melody suggested.  _It was a smart idea,_  the Doctor admitted to herself. The Srafix that attacked her earlier probably did lock up her TARDIS somewhere, and even though she knew the TARDIS had enough self-defense mechanisms to protect herself, there were no doubt plenty of safeguards against the Doctor.

As she rifled through the shelves, the Doctor snuck another look at Melody. She was bent over the map she found earlier, and her red hair dangled over her face. It wasn't long enough to obscure her face fully, so the Doctor could see her freckled nose and gorgeous brown eyes. Her face was angled, with a strong jaw line and angled cheekbones. As she reached for a nearby book, the Doctor realized that her arms were more muscular than she had initially thought. Her legs were long, not as long as Amy's, but still a force to be reckoned with.  _She was exceptionally beautiful,_ the Doctor realized. 

Melody looked up from her work and met the Doctor's eyes. Blushing, the Doctor looked away quickly and busied herself with the books in front of her. A book titled 'A Detailed History of War' caught her eye, and she pulled it off the shelf and brushed through the pages. Most of the pages were covered in archaeological drawings, and the Doctor felt another pang of sorrow for River. It was the second time in one day that she'd run face to face with River's specialty, and she thought she might burst from the pain and longing of it all. The fact that an attractive woman named Melody was now her partner wasn't helping.

"Find anything?" asked Melody.

"Er..." the Doctor scanned the page in front of her, hoping to find something and disguise the fact that she was about to cry from the overwhelming feeling of loss. "Yeah! Listen to this."

She walked over to Melody, reading as she went. "'The Orebus stronghold is said to be the most secure stronghold on this planet. Reserved for only the strongest and most dangerous prisoners, it is home to a deadly array of tricks and traps that prevent anyone from escaping.'"

Melody snickered. "Well, they certainly sound confident."

"Confident enough to hide a time machine?"

"I certainly hope so." Melody turned to the map in front of her and ran her finger along it. "Here it is!"

The Doctor looked where she was pointing. Sure enough, a small dot, far apart from all the other cities, was labelled 'Orebus Stronghold.'

"I'm pretty sure we're in Eyolin right now," continued Melody. "And Orebus looks like it's to the north, so I believe it's through that forest outside of town."

"Well then," the Doctor said, leaning back against the bookcase. "Let's get a shift on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments on the last chapter! I hope you're enjoying the story!!


	5. My Beautiful Idiot

The forest loomed above River as she pushed her way through the undergrowth. They had been trekking for what felt like hours, but the end of the forest was nowhere in sight. Joan kept reassuring her that they were headed in the right direction, and that the base was only a day's walk away. After a while, Joan had started talking about the orbit of the local sun and how it compared to the orbit of various other suns she had seen. Normally, River would have been a bit annoyed at the nonstop talking, but for some reason, she didn't mind.

After a few more hours of sore feet, River conceded defeat in the form of leaning in the shade against a nearby tree. Joan, to River's exasperation, seemed to have just as much energy as she did when they woke up that morning. If it even was morning, thought River. The sun was still visible, but River had yet to see it set, and it seemed like Joan's theory about being on a planet with a tilted axis was correct. Nevertheless, she was tired, and even Joan, with all her bouncing, seemed to sense it.

"Do you want to rest a bit?" Joan asked her.

River sighed. She hated making anyone stop for her, but continuing on at this point would only make things more difficult for both of them. "Yeah," she conceded. "Just a bit though."

"We should probably get some sleep," suggested Joan.

River nodded in agreement, sliding down the tree trunk to rest on the ground. "Agreed."

Joan sat down next to her. "Just a couple hours," the blonde woman said, though she was fidgeting enough that River doubted she'd ever actually fall asleep. Fortunately for her, River was so drop-dead tired that she fell asleep in seconds.

 

River awoke to the feeling of something shifting--someone--shifting underneath her. With some embarrassment, River realized that she had not only passed out immediately after sitting down, but she had fallen asleep on Joan, who was looking at her with a very guilty looking face.

"Sorry," Joan apologized. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, don't worry," reassured River. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep on you anyway."

Joan shrugged. "I don't mind."

"That's good," said River, scooting closer to Joan. "This is nice."

"Yeah." Joan fell silent, apparently deep in thought.

"I haven't slept this close to another person in a while. Not since my-" River cut herself off, realizing she was dangerously close to revealing her personal life to a relative stranger.

Joan looked at her quizzically. "Are you married, Melody?"

 

_"Are you married, River?"_

_River flashed the Doctor her best mysterious look. "Are you asking?"_

_"Yes," he replied confidently._

_"Yes," River answered, feeling her heart soar. With all the fucked up time streams, the Doctor had never properly proposed to River before they married. This wasn't exactly the perfect proposal, as he had no idea what he was talking about, but River would take it._

_The Doctor's eyes suddenly flashed as he realized what he had just asked. "No, hang on," he backpedaled rapidly. "Did you think I was asking you to marry you, or, or, or asking_ if  _you were married?"_

_"Yes," repeated River._

_"No, but was that yes or_ yes _?"_

_River leaned forward. God, she loved that idiot. "Yes," she whispered._

 

 

River shook her head, dispelling the nostalgic memory. "Yes," she replied to Joan. "To the biggest idiot in the universe."

Joan laughed. "I don't know, I might be able to give them a run for their money." She shifted suddenly, pushing River mostly off her. "But I don't want to be a homewrecker."

"Oh, it's ok," reassured River. "I mean, I love them, but I'll probably never see them again." The soaring feeling she had felt with her sudden memory flashback faded, replaced by a dull pit that seemed to suck the life out of everything.

"Mmm," Joan hummed, but she looked deep in thought, and River knew the moment was over.

 

\--------------------------

 

_Just a few more miles,_  the Doctor told herself for the umpteenth time.  _Then we'll be at the stronghold, and my feet can have a rest._ She didn't want to admit it, but she was very glad that Melody had agreed with her to rest for a bit. She didn't need to sleep, of course, but her body was screaming out in protest over the hours of hiking that the pair had done. Yet, as much pain as she was in, the Doctor was reluctant to end her journey with Melody.

Melody, at the moment, was struggling to push her way through a particularly thick bush. As the Doctor watched, Melody lost patience with trying to wiggle through and pushed her way towards the Doctor. The Doctor smiled to herself. Melody's feisty nature reminded her strongly of River.  _And Amy,_ she added almost unconsciously.  _No doubting where she got that from._

"C'mon!" the Doctor encouraged. "Just a few more kilometers!"

"You've been saying that for the past two hours," snapped Melody.

_Yup, definitely got that classic Pond spirit,_ the Doctor thought. Out loud, she said, "Well, I'm actually pretty sure about it this time. The sun has been brushing the horizon less and less, which means we're getting closer to the pole. North pole, I'm guessing, since we're, well, going north. I'm pretty sure the stronghold's directly on the pole, and assuming this planet is close to the size of Earth, we're only an hour and a half away."

"That's a lot of assumptions," Melody pointed out.

The Doctor shrugged. "Better than no ideas at all."

Melody evidently didn't have a good comeback to that comment, as she turned her attention back to the rough undergrowth in front of her. After almost tripping on a stray vine, the Doctor joined her, trusting Melody's perseverance to her own clumsiness. Unfortunately, the Doctor's clumsiness seemed to get worse around cute girls, and Melody was exceptionally beautiful, which meant that the Doctor promptly tripped over a rather obvious rock as a result.

"Are you alright?" Melody was at her side instantly, a note of concern now in her voice.

"Fine, just..." the Doctor stared up at Melody, and realized that the sun was directly behind her, and it framed Melody's head in a gorgeous, fiery halo. "...just an idiot," she finished.

Melody smiled, and the Doctor felt like her hearts were going to explode from the beauty of it. "Apparently I have a thing for idiots, so you're in luck."

"Y-yeah," the Doctor stammered out, wondering why her brain had suddenly decided not to work. All she could do was stare up at Melody as she leaned closer and closer, as her lips grew nearer and nearer to her own, and suddenly they were on her own, and they were kissing, and it was stunning, and beautiful, and it felt, felt like...

_Home,_ the Doctor realized. Like a quiet night on her TARDIS, like all those years on Darillium, it felt right in a way the Doctor couldn't explain.

After what felt like an eternity and also no time at all, they broke apart. The Doctor suddenly remembered that she was flat on her back in an overgrown forest, and ran a hand through her hair sheepishly. "That was, ah..."

She died off again, but Melody seemed to know what she was thinking, because she finished the sentence for her. "Brilliant."

"Yeah," the Doctor agreed. Melody smiled again, then clambered to her feet.

"Well, come on then," she said briskly, as if nothing had happened at all. "Hour and a half, you said?"

The Doctor bounced up after her. "Depends."

"On what?"

"If we get distracted again."

Melody laughed, then set off through the trees. "Don't be an idiot and I won't distract you."

"No promises," the Doctor grinned, and followed her.

This time around, Melody took the lead, and decided to point out all the obvious rocks, much to her own amusement and the Doctor's annoyance. The Doctor, on the other hand, was content to stare at the back of Melody's head and wonder. Their kiss was amazing, to say the least, but like their earlier cuddling, it seemed weirdly familiar. The Doctor had kissed loads of people over her lifetime, but Melody definitely kissed a lot like River. 

_That's really weird,_ she told herself. She knew River wouldn't have a problem with her kissing other people, they both did it a lot, but thinking of your dead wife while kissing another person was probably not a good idea.  _What if Melody_ is  _River?_

It wasn't the first time the Doctor had entertained the idea. Twenty four years on any planet was a long time, and the Doctor had plenty of time to think of a plan to save River from her inevitable fate. She couldn't just stop River from ever going to The Library, that was already a fixed point in time, as was River's goodbye to her on Trenzalore. Which meant the Doctor had only a few seconds of a window to save River before she faded away forever. Unfortunately, she also couldn't go to Trenzalore to save River, so she was left with one more option: pour a bunch of her own regeneration energy into her sonic screwdriver, time it to only release after River had faded from the real world but before she faded from the database, and hope for the best.

The Doctor hated not knowing if River made it out. It was worse, in many ways, then knowing she was dead. At least if she was dead, the Doctor could try and let go. But instead, she was always wondering, always asking what ifs?

___Stop it,_ she told herself again, watching Melody hack her way through the bushes in front of her.  _Stop the what ifs. She's not River. It's all just wishful thinking._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow these idiots I love them. Also sorry for the late update but it's technically still Wednesday so I technically uploaded on time.


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